You know, I used to live under the assumption that at a certain point in my life, things would get easier. That life wouldn't be so hard or difficult. That there was a quota on trials and tests and tribulations and change and chaos. That after I met that quota, things would smooth out and be fairly easy.
I really believed that.
It wasn't so much that I believed I was "owed" something by Life. Never that. I just had this notion that you were tested to an extent and once you proved yourself, Life would ease up.
Not the case. At all. For beautiful and miraculous and Divine reasons. For reasons I can't even understand at this moment in time.
Life is fraught with hardship. With scenarios that will test your mettle, that will test your faith (whatever that looks like), that will test your relationships, that will shatter your greatest Truths. I am finally coming to the great understanding that there is very little within my control and I am better for that.
I try to handle change with grace. I try. But I'm terrible at it. I panic, my voice raises and I talk rapidly, and I start trying to control everything. Every damn time. But I am fortunate to have met incredible souls that have walked alongside me (and continue to walk beside me) on my journey towards wholeheartedness and they have helped me dig deep and begin the necessary work of sifting through my fears and my issues with control. So I don't stay in the panic as long. I don't stay in those moments of uncertainty and obsession like I used to. I have tools now. I have incredible support. And I can "act as if." That's been a great, great gift to me...because I know, deep down, that things are working towards good. But you can't grow without growing pains and the shedding of unwanted layers. So I can act as if - as if all I need is already taken care of. Because my intuition knows it already is.
On particularly difficult days, I will journal my "as ifs." I will actually write down all my worries, fears, and concerns and write, "I will act as if _________________ is taken care of. That _________ is healed. That _______________ situation is resolved."
What a release. It puts things into perspective. It gets it out of my head and my heart and I can release it gently. I breathe easier and my focus comes back to the present.
And I am always reminded of a beautiful, incredible thing - I am being Divinely-led, that I am not alone on this journey, and that one of our greatest truths lies in connecting and supporting one another.
Sending you an incredible amount of encouragement today, my friends. I hope you'll remember to ask yourself what you need and then honor that.
Sites I Dig
The Road is Home
The Seed & Plate
Sharon Covert Photography
The Define School
The Noisy Plume
Sarah Gee Photography
Fox & Owl Studio
The Stork and The Beanstalk
Mellow Yellow Photography
A Simple Little Journal
What I've Been Reading
The Girls by Emma Cline
A Land More Kind Than Home by Wiley Cash
Dark Places by Gillian Flynn
Never Broken by Jewel
Hold Still by Sally Mann